キスしてもいいの? Is kissing ok?

One of the most frequently asked questions about Christian relationship is…

Should Christians be kissing before marriage?  

This is kind of the question that people want to know but can’t really ask.

Luke answered this question at Tuesday Night church so I will share it here too. (I will add my points)

Some Christian couples say that “We are not going to kiss before our wedding day!” and other couples are already kissing before marriage.

So which one is correct?

It’s good to think about how do you define kissing, there are different levels of kissing, from a simple peck to French kissing.

I think the question that people are asking is that they want to know if keeping pure means “no kissing”. Or some people are looking for rules like “how far is too far?”

The bible talks about sex, but it does not really mention about kissing.

But the bible mentions about “gray areas” in life.  (1 Corinthians 8:1-13)

The answer is… “what does your conscience say?”

If you are a Christian and loves God, your conscience will hurt if you did the wrong thing.

But people do have different conscience.

So for Christian couples, they should listen to and set boundaries.

There are 3 things that I want the dating Christian couples to think about: 

1) あなたにとって、また相手にとってキスはどういう意味がある? 
What does kissing means to you and your boyfriend/girlfriend? 

To some Christians, a light kiss may be seen as a caring gesture and not have a sexual connotation, while for other Christian may be stimulated into sexual thoughts and response just by thinking about it.

I know some couples who the girl or the guy used to be sexually active before becoming a Christian and therefore decided to not kiss before the wedding because they wanted to make the relationship “different”.  I really respect their decision for that.

On the other hand, I am not against couples who are fine with light kissing before marriage. They are committed to purity.

I think the point is that in this area, we should listen to our conscience and at the same time, be careful of putting  our conscience on others.

My advice for Christian couples is that at the beginning of your relationship, this topic should be openly discussed and set boundaries that are mutually acceptable.

By the way, “Bikini Zone” and “Speedo Zone” should be strictly off limits! (Do not touch these areas, as recommended in the red book)

Also, if a kiss leads either person toward stimulation of a sexual nature, I would strongly recommend Christian singles to back away from that activity if they want to remain pure before marriage. That’s why I think it is wise to keep passionate kissing until marriage.

Look within yourself and listen to your conscience and the conviction of the holy spirit. If you are doing something wrong the holy spirit will convict you and you will know you shouldn’t do it and it is always wise to listen to the voice of the spirit.

2)  キスすることでスピードアップしていく
Things speeds up once you start kissing 

In Song of Solomon, the HOT book in the Bible, it says this.

雅歌12-3 メッセージバイブル訳)  もっと力いっぱいキスをして!あの方が私に口づけしてくださったらよいのに。あなたの愛はぶどう酒も最高で、あなたの香油のかおりはかぐわしく、あなたの吊は注がれる香油のよう。

Song of Solomon 1:2-3 (NIV) ‘Kiss me – full on the mouth! Your love is better than wine. 
Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.

It all starts from a kiss.   

I want you to think before kissing, “once you move forward, it’s very hard to take a step back.”

When you start holding hands it’s almost impossible not to hold hands anymore. Likewise, when you start kissing it will be hard to go back to not kissing again.

And when we take one step forward, we naturally want to take another step forward. That is how we are created!

So couples who are getting married in 2 months and students who are thinking of getting married in after graduation might have different boundaries.

キスすることによって情熱のレベルもスピードアップしていきます! だから、結婚はまだ。。。というカップルはそれを頭においておいてほしい。
Kissing will definitely speed things up! Including your passion level. So for couples who are thinking, “we don’t think we have marriage in mind  yet…” I recommend you to have that in mind.

3)  周りの人のつまずきにならにように気をつけよう
Be careful not to stumble others

You can stumble a person who used to be an alcoholic if you drink in front of him/her carelessly, so let’s not be careless and do things that we could stumble other people.


ちなみに、私とルークの場合だけど、付き合いはじめの時、東京と大阪で遠距離でなかなか会えなかったから、普段手をつなぐことすらできなかった! 毎日電話して、たくさん話してた。
When Luke and I  started going out, we couldn’t see each other often because we were doing long distance relationship between Tokyo and Osaka so we couldn’t even hold hands! We talked A LOT on the phone.

Looking back, that period of building communication was really important.  

We were able to focus on each other as a person, and we were able to build the foundation of our marriage.

Of course during our engagement time we had more physical touch, but we set our boundaries. For us, we did not go to places that there were no one or dark places and we did not stay in a room by ourselves. It wasn’t easy but it was all worth it!


This world says in movies and dramas that you can kiss and have sex before you get to know each other in person and then later on think if you really want to go out with that person. But that is not the way that pleases God!

I encourage you to build the foundation for a great marriage which includes, great communication, trust, giving etc. and you can have vision for a HOT marriage because Christian marriage is HOT!

Love God more and don’t go to a place that you know you can’t come back. Love God more than the pleasure.  Listen to your conscience and the conviction of the holy spirit.God will bless your relationship and prepare you for an awesome marriage if you focus on building a relationship that is pleasing to God!

マタイ22:37−39 「心を尽くし、たましいを尽くし、 思いを尽くして、あなたの神である主を愛しなさい。』
[Mat 22:37-39] Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 


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