ラブシリーズ:コーヒータイム! Love series: COFFEE TIME!

I’ll continue posting about our LOVE SERIES we are currently sharing at Tuesday night church!

If you want to have a long lasting marriage

If you are wondering, “how would I know who should I choose for my future spouse?”

If you are wondering, “I’ve now become a Christian but what should I do in relationships area?”

You will get know the secrets to those questions throughout this series! 

ライフハウスには聖書に基づいた男女関係6つのレベルのガイドラインがあります。 (あくまでもガイドラインであって、ルールではないです)
In Lifehouse we have 6 degrees of relationships. (This is just a guideline not rule)

6つのレベルをみてみよう! So let’s look at the 6 levels.

1)    友達  Friends
2)    特別な友達 Special friends
3)    コーヒータイム Coffee time
4)    付き合う Going steady
5)    婚約 Engagement
6)    結婚 Marriage

This has been recommended in Lifehouse for a while as a general guideline and so many couples including Luke and myself made are enjoying incredible marriage because we followed these guidelines.

This guideline is set to protect us. It’s not a rule. And it helps us build great foundation for a long lasting marriage.


This week day we talked about “COFFEE TIME”

This post includes what we shared at Tuesday Night Church and what I’ve shared previously in my blog


While they are enjoying the special friends stage, the man ask the girl out for a coffee/lunch to get to know more about her.

でもまだ彼氏彼女という関係ではないです! ここでの目的はその人のことをもっと知ること。そして、本当にその人と付き合いたいかどうかを確認すること。
But this is not becoming “BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND” stage. The purpose is to get to know that person better and see if you want to become steady.

コーヒータイムの目的は、0か100かだとプレッシャーが大きいから、あくまでも「重苦しくなく、リラックスしてお互いを知っていく環境」を提案しています。 いきなりディナー予約しちゃうとプレッシャーだよね。
The reason why we call this level “COFFEE TIME” is because we didn’t want people to face the pressure “0 or 100.” We wanted coffee time to be more casual. If we called it date or if it becomes reserving a restaurant for dinner it becomes something heavy and too much pressure.

(箴言18:22) 良い妻を見つける ものはしあわせ(宝)を見つけ、主からの恵みをいただく。
(Proverbs 18:22) He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.

男性のみんな!上の聖書箇所には「妻を見つけるもの」って書いてあるよ!! 空から降ってくるものでも、祈って神様が目の前に差し出してくれるものでもないよ。
To all men: In the scripture above it says, “He who FINDS a wife.” She doesn’t appear from the sky or God won’t shine the spotlight to her and say, “that’s the girl!”

受け身にならないで、積極的に探そう! 目を開いて周りを見渡そう!チャーチには素敵な女性がたくさんいるよ。
Don’t be passive and be proactive! OPEN YOUR EYES and LOOK AROUND. There are so many great girls in our church!

And you will get God’s favor if you find a good wife!

Important points at this stage

1. 勇気を出して誘おう Be courageous and ask her out!

(マタイ7:7) 求めよ、そうすれば、与えられるであろう。捜せ、そうすれば、見いだすであろう。門をたたけ、そうすれば、あけてもらえるであろう。
(Matthew 7:7) Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you

男性のみんな、勇気を出して誘おう! もしかしたら、ノーと言われるかもしれない。でも、それはすぐに乗り越えよう。

拒絶を恐れないで。 自信をもって欲しい。たとえノーと言われても、絶対に神様が自分に用意している女性がいると。


Guys, have courage and ask her out! Maybe she will say no. But just get over it!

Don’t be afraid of rejection. Be confident that even though she might say no, God has someone for you.

So quickly shake it off!






And many girls ask me, “can the girl ask a guy out for coffee?” 

Our answer is “you can, but in that case, the girl needs to pay for the guy!”

But we don’t really recommend the girls asking the guy for the next coffee time if he doesn’t ask her.

If he doesn’t ask for the next coffee time either he is very passive or not interested in you so just say “bye-bye!”

If you try to lead it, you might as well have to lead the proposal and relationship after marriage and you are going to be dissatisfied!

Do you want to propose him? あなたからプロポーズしたい?

2. 誘われる方も心はオープンでいよう Be open to him if you are asked for coffee




柔軟な心大事です! お茶タイムは付き合うということではないから、プレッシャーなく相手を知っていくことができる。



Girls, let’s be open to him if he asks you out for coffee.

We always say that if the life group leader approves it, and if there is at least 1% chance, just and have coffee with him, at least once. 

Perhaps you might get interested in him and you might notice that you actually get along with him.

It’s important to be flexible! Coffee time does not mean going steady, so you can get to know the other person without any pressure.

If you are thinking 0% chance, Luke’s request is “please let him know on the spot! And be clear.” 

Of course the guy will get hurt, but it’s better to let him get over you quickly instead of giving him false hope. Guys can get over it, trust me (lol)



独身の頃はみんなほとんど一緒。 だから、彼の可能性を見て上げてほしい。

Also to the ladies, don’t compare single guys to the married men. 

Married men are polished because their wives helped them to become the men they are today.

Most of them were the same when they were single! So look at the guy’s potential.

Guidelines of this level

Advice for men

Meet in a public place! 

Guys should take the initiative. Don’t be passive! Plan your coffee time and make an effort to have a good conversation 🙂 If you ask the girl, “where should we go?” on the day, that is no good!

-楽しいものにする! 重くしない。 いきなりディナーを予約しない。 何かグループで集まる前にお茶とかさりげないのをすすめる。
Make it fun! Don’t make it serious. That is why we don’t really recommend you to reserve a restaurant for your first coffee time. What we recommend is to have coffee time before meeting in groups.

-体に触れない! まだ付き合ってるわけではないから、気をつけて。
No touching. She is not your girlfriend yet.

Don’t put pressure on girls because you are still not going steady.

Be a gentlemen. Guys should pay 🙂

Don’t talk too much! Conversation has the part of listening! Have questions prepared.

-身だしなみを気をつけよう。 ジャージ+スニーカー姿はNG。また、デオドラントは必須。
Look after your looks and hygiene. Don’t wear sports shoes and spots wear. Also have your deodorant.

Advice for women

Even if your first coffee time doesn’t go well, have another one (unless you are uncomfortable about it). Some people get too nervous and can’t speak that well at their first coffee time.

Don’t tell all your female friends and friends, don’t tease them. If everyone becomes mature about this this won’t become a pressure to both!

-男性にリードしてもらおう!Allow him to take the lead!

-彼の考えにオープンできよう!Be open to his ideas!

-露出が多い服はなしで! Don’t wear super sexy clothes.

He will stare at wherever you are exposing.

So if you want him to focus on what you are saying and look at you in your eyes, let’s wear appropriate clothes so he can just focus on what you are saying!

Also, let’s protect Christian guys!

(ローマ 14:13) ですから、これからはもう、批判し合ってはいけません。 むしろ、人をつまずかせないように生活しようと心がけなさい。兄弟が「悪いことだ」と信じていることを目の前でしてみせて、彼をつまずかせるようなことは、絶対にいけません。
(Romans 14:13) Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.

(1 テモテ 2:9-10) 同じように、女も、控え目な服装や態度で、品位を保つように心がけなさい。 クリスチャンの女性は、はでなヘアスタイルや宝石や高価な着物によって人の注意を引こうとはせず、良い行ないとやさしく親切なふるまいによって身を飾りなさい。
(1 Timothy 2:9-10) I also want the women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, adorning themselves, not with elaborate hairstyles or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God.

-自分らしくあろう!Be yourself!

(雅歌 4:7) わが愛する者よ、あなたはことごとく美しく、少しのきずもない。
(Song of Solomon 4:7) You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.

Don’t sell yourself short! Don’t sell yourself high

3. とにかく楽しもう!Enjoy!





To be honest, I’ve never seen a couple who got happily married if they had a hard time or struggling with complicated situation at this stage. 

When it goes well, it just does! 

If you can’t enjoy this stage, we recommend you to stop going to coffee with that person and just hang out in groups as a friend.

Let’s trust God’s timing and get over it quickly if it doesn’t work.

(伝道 3:11) 神のなされることは皆その時にかなって美しい。神はまた人の心に永遠を思う思いを授けられた。それでもなお、人は神のなされるわざを初めから終りまで見きわめることはできない。
(Ecclesiastes 3:11) He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

そして、大事なのがビジョンの確認! その人が神様を一番にしてるのか、ビジョンがあるのか確認すること大事です^^


And it’s so important to ask about each other’s vision. See if that person really puts God first. If they have a vision for their lives. If that part is not compatible it’s going to get really complicated after you start going out. 

You might think that it’s okay because both of you are Christians. But some Christians don’t have vision and are not putting God first.






By the way, when I first met Luke, I didn’t have a clear vision for my life. So we just stayed friends and we weren’t attracted to each other back then.

But when we saw each other again 4 years later, I had big vision for my life and so did he. So we were heading the same direction so it was really natural to go out with him and it felt so “right”.

I’ll share about Luke and my coffee time level in another post!

But we didn’t have this guideline at our time so we made many mistakes (lol) I think we would have been wiser if we had these guidelines!

Thanks to our leaders Pastor Rod and Viv that we were able to seek wisdom in every stage of our relationship!

どうかな? 以上がお茶タイムの段階のポイントです!That is all for the “COFFEE TIME” level!

If you are reading this blog,  why don’t you take a step forward and come to church ?


「教会ってちょっと敷居高いからなぁ~」とか「宗教ってちょっと怖いから…」とか「俺そういうの興味ないから」って思ってる人も とりあえず一回来てみてください。食わず嫌いせずに♪とりあえず一回。詳しく聞きたかったら気軽にメールください!!
If you are feeling self-conscious about visiting church or thinking “I’m scared of religion” or “I’m not interested at all…” Please come at least once! Don’t reject without even having tried it. Just once for a start! If you want to know more about it please email to us. Looking forward to see you all !!

お金はいりません。誰でも歓迎します! 無理な勧誘など一切ありません。
You don’t need entrance fee. We welcome anybody, and we’re very easy-going! you just bring yourself!



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