ラブシリーズ:付き合うこと Love series: Going Steady

I’ll continue posting about our LOVE SERIES we are currently sharing at Tuesday night church!

If you want to have a long lasting marriage

If you are wondering, “how would I know who should I choose for my future spouse?”

If you are wondering, “I’ve now become a Christian but what should I do in relationships area?”

You will get know the secrets to those questions throughout this series! 

ライフハウスには聖書に基づいた男女関係6つのレベルのガイドラインがあります。 (あくまでもガイドラインであって、ルールではないです)
So in Lifehouse we have 6 degrees of relationships. (This is just a guideline not rule)

6つのレベルをみてみよう! So let’s look at the 6 levels.

1)    友達  Friends
2)    特別な友達 Special friends
3)    コーヒータイム Coffee time
4)    付き合う Going steady
5)    婚約 Engagement
6)    結婚 Marriage

This has been recommended in Lifehouse for a while as a general guideline and so many couples including Luke and myself made are enjoying incredible marriage because we followed these guidelines.

This guideline is set to protect us. It’s not a rule. And it helps us build great foundation for a long lasting marriage.

 I’ll share about  “GOING STEADY” today. 


– お茶タイムを何回か繰り返した後、お互いに「付き合いたい」って思ったら、男性から女性に「付き合おう!」っていってください☆
-After going out for a few coffee time, if both want to become exclusive, the man asks the woman, “let’s become steady!” 

“Going Steady” means being committed to the relationship, not just messing around.

The purpose is to confirm or not the feeling that this person is that you are going to marry.

Confirming that your own maturity, vision & values are leading you to marriage

That’s why if you live your life with God, it will lead to best “Going Steady” level.

Advice for “going steady” level

(2 Timothy 2:22) Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

Don’t rely on each other but build a strong relationship with God

This person is not your property so don’t be possessive!

Be open to change and expect adventure in life

Don’t buy expensive or lavish gifts, unless it’s a diamond ring! HOLA!

Don’t pair off and isolate yourselves as a couple!

There are couples like disney movies who don’t let other people come near them…

Share about your past



そして、その会話も何度も繰り返さなくてもいい。 私とルークは1回だけ過去の話はしたけど、そこからはお互いに聞かれない限りは話し合っていない。過去のことだし!


We often get asked when and how should we share about our past to the other person.

Our advice is that when you start talking about marriage you can share about your past. But you don’t need to tell the other person the whole details. (e.g. details about past boyfriend or girlfriend, sexual abuse etc.)

Also you won’t need to have that discussion many times. For Luke and I we only  had that discussion once and we don’t need to have that discussion often unless one of us has questions. It’s about the past anyways!

But don’t have secrets to each other.  There is a saying in Japanese, “carry a secret to the grave” but secrets will give Devil opportunity to destroy your marriage. Hidden things are never good in marriage!

男性 For guys

Have a vision for your life and a good work ethic

Initiative for action, lead her and express well

Lead her in prioritizing the things of God.
Lead her in the way that the conversation goes. Is it always ending up negative? Or are you excited together?

(Proverbs 18:22) He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.

Set the boundaries




About setting boundaries, don’t make crazy promises to each other. Because when you break it, you are going to be so guilty.

For example, “we are not going to touch each other for the first x months!”

Instead of setting impossible rules, really work hard on communication all the time.  And we encourage the girls to be open and honest about what you feel comfortable/uncomfortable.


– 結婚前のセックスはしない。

– 個室で2人きりにならない。(または誰もいない暗い場所にいかない)

Less rules is better! Luke and I only had 2 rules.
– We are not having sex before marriage.
– We wont be alone in rooms together ( or dark places no one will ever find us)

(Romans 12:2) Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is –his good, pleasing and perfect will.


Sex is God’s reward in marriage – The worlds way is lots of sex before marriage, no sex after. God’s way is a short wait then a great sex life for the rest of your life!!

男性に伝えたいこと。結婚前にこの分野で女性の信頼を得ていることはめっちゃ大事。結婚前から土台を築いています! 彼女の尊敬と信頼を勝ち取ろう!
To guys: Gaining trust from your future wife in this area is really important. You are building a foundation for a great marriage! Let’s earn her respect and trust!

For girls

Dont fake it- be yourself. You are valuable. Be secure!!

Time for your key family members and friends to get used to the idea of both of you together

Don’t hesitate to stop him for physical boundaries

(2 Timothy 1:7) For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

よく聞かれる質問:なんで世の中のカップルは何年も付き合ってから結婚しているのに、クリスチャン同士の付き合ってから結婚するのは早い人が多いの? もっと時間かけなくても大丈夫?

Frequently asked question: Why do the couples in the world go out for years and years before they decide to get married but many Christian couples get married quite quickly? Don’t they need to go out longer? 






Couples in our church get married relatively because of 2 reasons.

1s reason is that because they are committed to purity, they want to get married fast. 

2nd reason is that there is a difference between Christian couples and couples who don’t believe in God. 

The world: It takes years to really know someone at this level because they haven’t got God’s healing in their heart and have so many layers of hidden things.

Christian couples: Both have God so they are healed and strong and free and can be themselves! You can get to know each other faster because there is nothing hidden and there is no doubt.

How do you know they are the ONE?!

You Just Know!!



I knew that I will marry Luke because everything was so simple and smooth.

When you meet someone that you are going to marry you notice that things are not complicated and it’s so simple! And also the following factors can be the defining point.

You enjoy spending time with them

Love what they do, how they act

Have fun together and always enjoy your adventures

They are in the right place and have right relationships

Have more good times than fights/disagreements when you are together

If things are really hard and complicated, perhaps he/she is not the one for you or you are not ready yet (not mature) so you will need to wait. 

どうかな? 以上が付き合うの段階のポイントです!That is all for the “GOING STEADY” level!

If you are reading this blog,  why don’t you take a step forward and come to church ?


「教会ってちょっと敷居高いからなぁ~」とか「宗教ってちょっと怖いから…」とか「俺そういうの興味ないから」って思ってる人も とりあえず一回来てみてください。食わず嫌いせずに♪とりあえず一回。詳しく聞きたかったら気軽にメールください!!
If you are feeling self-conscious about visiting church or thinking “I’m scared of religion” or “I’m not interested at all…” Please come at least once! Don’t reject without even having tried it. Just once for a start! If you want to know more about it please email to us. Looking forward to see you all !!


お金はいりません。誰でも歓迎します! 無理な勧誘など一切ありません。
You don’t need entrance fee. We welcome anybody, and we’re very easy-going! you just bring yourself!


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